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We’ve been busy with some June Sketching!
In this post, we’ll not only walk you through the sketchy fever dream that was Week One of June, but we’ll show off our sketchy wares in the form of EVEN MORE very useful and hard to find greeting cards!
Don’t see the greeting card that you need in this post? Let us know what you’re shopping for over at the Fishbird Central Substack and we might be able to help you out!
* All greeting cards are 100% guaranteed to improve your life, enrich your romantic entanglements and buy you a puppy. If they don’t, you might be reading them wrong – in which case we recommend buying a second card.
Card Category:
Karaoke Queen
Situation:
Falalalaaaaaah! Hello, Fishbird Central! I’m hoping you can suggest a card that will convince my friends to let me karaoke at them. I have a beautiful voice, I’ve told, and want to show off in a booth. Never mind Bette Midler, I need you to help put the wind up my vocals!
Solution:
Oh, songbird – get ready to tread the sticky boards of karaoke floordom! Give this ‘Sing Girl!’ card to everyone you know and you’ll be forming your own band quicker than we can say ‘It was a band you wanted, wasn’t it?’. The pipes are calling and they’re in your mouth! Don’t let Keith Richard get all of the glory, follow your friends to song heaven and claim your musical throne. You’re welcome, charts.
Card Category:
Country Soul
Situation:
Dear Fishbird, my friend once saw a cow and seemed to like it. They also wear boots and I overheard them saying that they’re sick of their commute into the city each day. Pretty sure this means they love “country”. Can you recommend a card that will show that I know about country?
Solution:
Cowdy, pardner! That’s a country saying! You’ll be able to impress your city-hating friend with this hand-drawn cow card and earn a spot on the ranch that I assume they own. Don’t ask why the cow is positioned next to the letter ‘D’ – only people who truely have a country soul will know what that’s about. Your friend will wink at you and may kiss you on the lips in the ‘country way’. Just roll with it. The one thing country folk hate more than the city is people who are not able to roll with the kisses. Moo ya laters!
Card Category:
Garbage Greeting
Situation:
Fishbird, I’m at the end of my rubbish bin! I’ve fallen in love with a hoarder, and to make myself seem like something they’d like to collect, I’ve also filled my own house with trash. If I can find my wallet down the side of one of the 43 couches I own, I’ll pay you for a card that tells my sweetheart that I love them more than the garbage. Also, how many is ‘too many’ pizza boxes to keep?
Solution:
I can smell your problem from here, dear reader – and it carries the scent of roses (and cheese). Please slot this raccoon card into one of the many newspaper stacks that your true love hoards in their hallway. One of the cats in the house is bound to find it and deliver it to them at exactly the right time. As for pizza boxes – keep collecting those, as they only appreciate with age! One man’s trash is another man’s other trash. You do you, little scamp.
Card Category:
Feathered friends.
Situation:
‘Ello Fishbird. I seem to have fallen into a fiesty flock of feather fiends and need some merch to show them that I too am a bird nerd. I like most birds including chickens, ibis, wrens, galahs and Sue who works at the Aldi. Sometimes I think I might be part bird. Other times I think that I’m not. I still eat chicken, if that is of concern.
Solution:
There’s no judgement here, friend. Eat those you love, or store them on a shelf for best. Note we frown on eating humans, so leave the checkout chick to her business. To impress your flock, get your tallons on some of this Bird Nerd merch – they’ll be pecking in circles to get some of their own! This chicken has legs the colour of corn and a tail as impressive as any of its dinosaur ancestors. Clucktastic indeed!
Card Category:
Stone cold fox.
Situation:
Dear Fishbird. Hoping you can help me stand out in leadership meetings. I need a card to give my boss, to let them know that I’m just the right amount of crazy to warrant a promotion. I’ve tried stealing my co-workers lunches and not replacing the paper in the photocopiers, but this continues to go unnoticed. What more can I do?!
Solution:
No fear! We’ll make you the talk of the boardroom in no time! This sketchy Medusa card will let your upper-management team know that you are ready to bite and have a stone-cold heart, but are still playful enough to wear your hair down. Look everyone straight in the eye and proclaim “I am probably here for a reason!”. We believe in you, lunch-thief. Go forth and release managerial havoc!
Card Category:
Catastrophe
Situation:
They tell me I’m the black sheep of our family, Fishbird – but I think I’m just creative. Everywhere I go, chaos seems to follow me. Can you give me a pack of cards that I can leave at the sites of my mess? Something cute please, as I’m really just a sweet misunderstood cherub. That last house fire was barely even my fault.
Solution:
Who’s cuter than a cat that just took a sip of your coffee? No-one, that’s who! Leave this Meowser at the scenes of your madness and everything will blow over eventually. Meow indeed! Catastrophes aren’t just for Christmas. Scatter enough of these cards around town and you’ll be known largely for littering – giving you a pass on all the other junk you’ve done. While not a policeman, this cat can also meow the opening theme to ‘Murder She Wrote’.
Card Category:
Cool catchphrase.
Situation:
Bless my socks, Fishbird Central. I need a cool catchphrase so that the kids will still think I’m hip. I don’t know what their rizz is and I refuse to learn. I’ve tried outsourcing to charlatans but they’ve only been able to provide words I already know. Please hip me to the cool, dawg. See!!
Solution:
Oh my goodness, dear reader. What a pickle. We’ll pull out the big guns for you, so you can once again hold your head up with pride. Next time you want to impress a youth, shout this at them. ‘That’s a turnip!’. Works in every situation you can think of – good, bad, unknown. Turnips are the cool of the vegetable world, the underground circle that keeps on giving. Now it’s giving to you! That’s a turnip, friend. That’s a turnip.
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